“We don’t naturally overflow with mercy, grace and forgiveness when we’ve been wronged.”
It has been my experience that dealing with a hurtful situation that entails being wronged by another or others is that it takes time to allow yourself to forgive. You must be in the right place in your heart and mind, you must be willing and able to let things go that have hurt you deeply. A temporary wallowing in the murk is a process that could take months if not years must subside a little before we can achieve the release via forgiveness. Start now for it will lessen the pain!
I liken it to a recent success in my own life wanting to lose weight and get healthy, what has taken years to accumulate does not fade away overnight. The bliss associated with feeling your clothes loosen and your energy improve takes time, focus, patience and due diligence. All things worth accomplishing are going to test your wherewithal, your spirit, your heart and most importantly your soul.
“Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong.”
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive and beneficial paths.
Having been honored with two purple hearts from broken marriages which I had allowed to define my life for a time, I learned through experience that forgiveness and gratitude we really my best resources of calm and positive steps forward. The pain from past hurts and the breaking of trusts were quite difficult for a time, forever it may have seemed, but the end result of my writing and reading about love lost and my desire to rescue those who I felt needed my help, led me to better understand the benefits of letting go.
You might want to consider first the benefits of the processes associated with forgiveness –
- Healthier relationships
- Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
- Less anxiety, stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression
- Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
- No longer fueling the desire to hide away from the world so you can heal
One of the major benefits I personally achieved due to accomplishment associated with forgiveness is that I felt more at ease, less angry and I was for the first time (what seemed a very long time), able to see things in a new light. Slowly, but surely I was able to appreciate all that I have been given and blessed with more completely and it allowed me to breathe. In more ways than I can count, I was able to better sympathize with those that had “done me wrong” and understand better their reasons, and quite possibly their frustrations with their own lives.
I am of the opinion that people don’t simply hurt others because they find joy and happiness in doing so, their list of problems and afflictions from their own pasts must indeed be at the core of their actions. This appreciation of my positive progress forward with mine and my children’s lives became much more important, more fulfilling and far more worthwhile.
A hint about your progress of forgiveness moving you forward faster and easier –
“If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root.”
It is very important that you move away from your role as the victim and release the control and power the offending person, persons or situation has had in your life.
As you learn to let go and forgive, keep in mind that your primary goal is to no longer allow your pain and suffering define your life by how you’ve been hurt. In doing so you will discover compassion, understanding and inspiration in all things associated with your positive steps forward in your quest to be happy and free.
I would like to thank the references found in the bible, psychological journals and foggy memories of countless letters written in anger then burned as effigies for the inspiration and thought process to write this post.
To have learned through experience better ways to move on with my life through forgiveness and gratitude and these small steps forward have made me a better man.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi