“Our task must be to free ourselves… by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and it’s beauty.”~ Albert Einstein
I have experienced many things, both losses and accomplishments. When I look back on my illustrious life I have much to be thankful for. When I am in such a mood, I digress to times when the world was shiny and alive and full of laughter.
Today the laughter and happiness in and of myself and my children continues, in some important measure to an awareness and practice of being self-disciplined. Choosing only a positive view of our past decisions allows for a better and more clear view that wanting to win and moving towards our true self is everything.
There are times in life that fully deserve your respect and appreciation, and when those moments come to mind, take a deep breath, look in the mirror and express your most heart-felt gratitude. Amazing feeling wasn’t it, it made you feel lighter even a little brighter than you were just a few moments ago – didn’t it! Do this often and see how much better you feel about yourself and all that you should be and will be thankful for.
How is it then that we get so busy with our day-to-day that we forget to understand better a unique and precious feeling that can best described in so few words as simply “winning.” Having kicked that nasty old can of self loathing down the road more than once, today I am reminded (an amazing amount these days) of how great I have it, and the promise of a life filled with passion lays before us all inspires.
“I’m afraid that sometimes you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you.” ~ Dr. Seuss
To hell with always being an adult, all serious and concerned, caught up in the demands we lay upon yourselves as we wallow in a pitiful existence called life as a grown up. Live a little, embrace your inner child, eat dessert first and happily position your bare feet in the dirt, the seashore sand or deeply into wet grass from time to time. Take more moments to laugh and relish the earth around you, your mental health depends on it.
Really needing to finally break free from a sadness that had lingered for far too long had finally come to fruition, yet with it was that unhealed wound, an unfounded sentiment that I had failed my family miserably. The decision to leave what I could no longer live with I didn’t realize at first was a glimpse into my new freedom which induced a stream of amazing opportunities. If you don’t keep your eyes and ears open while going through recovery, you may surely miss a number of favorable combinations and circumstances.
I was learning once again to live by my values. My children would come to realize in a few short years that their Dad had come to terms with his pride and his honor, they forgave me for leaving and as only a child can do, they understood the why. We now cherished a connection on a deeper level that we continue to share and appreciate more with each new day. The honesty seen in my thoughts and actions was a guiding example they now both employ in living their own young adult lives.
Aside from a few hiccups within an assumption of integrity in others unworthy, the past would truly never repeat itself as long as I continued to believe that trust is an outcome of fulfilled expectations. Conviction is rarely seen in individuals with anguished pasts, for they too are on the mend, but what I began to understand more and what released me to understand my direction better, was that you can’t save anyone but yourself.
“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” ~ Malcolm X
Then, all of a sudden, with the help of my wondrous muse who has always shown me that there is indeed hope, I began to follow a new and improved direction literally brimming with awesome. I began to see that what I was learning about myself was simply that this is all a compilation of dreams that the world just hasn’t caught up to yet. Again, I’m giving thanks and counting my blessings.
What I was indeed beginning to discover about my view of all things gone wrong was that I had lost touch with my love for a fight, my intense desire to want something more than I could easily describe, I had been knocked down for too long and nearly all of the piss and vinegar had all run out of me. What occurred than surprised even me.
“In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.” ~ Paulo Coelho
What had begun to rise from deep within was that I was being consumed by love, and what transpired in the matter of a few months was the devotion to my own intense awareness, personal growth and high potential. I was learning again that my spirit comes alive when I am overcome by the desire to give, to share, to live and to laugh at myself for being a doofus from time to time. To allow for the connection with a deep concern in something greater than my own selfish condition actually released so much pain that I have lost the weight of suffering.
The race was on and with each new day, and typically damn early I might add, there was a new inspiration and it was this attitude and desire in having qualities that tend to make one loved. I was on the rise to any occasion and I had kicked the sadness to the curb and was no longer fascinated by anyone unworthy of my time and energy.
Give only to those who are in search of the same spirit, the same goals and a similar fondness and affection of giving to others, this too you will begin to feel when you are deeply honest with yourself. Don’t look back, don’t slow down and never make excuses for the fact that your true inspiration comes from within, so become the very best you possible.
“One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.” ~ Oscar Wilde